BREAKING NEWS — Bob’s Gone!
In what the Heartland Sings staff refer to as “the most shocking turn of events this decade has yet to see,” Maestro Robert Nance has taken… A VACATION. He will be on sabbatical for 18 entire days in the month of June, leaving the staff to fend for themselves.
“I mean… I just don’t know how HE’LL do, not being HERE,” said Misha Gray-Chemey, the General Manager. “I’ve known Bob since I was literally a toddler, and I don’t know what he’s going to do what himself while he’s gone.” No word yet on what Mr. Nance will be doing while he is gone.
“Can he throw his phone in the ocean?” Principal Artist David Bobay asked. “He’s going to have to fully lock his phone away in order to not answer any texts or help. He’s going to have to overcome his urge to help at all times, and I’m not sure how he’ll do it.”
“Has he mapped out all of the Starbucks locations are on the way to where he’s going?” Asked Kara Jaurigue, the Office Manager. “Is there a Starbucks where he’s going? Are they going to know how to make his coffee like the baristas at the West Jefferson St. location?” The staff is concerned by the caffeination level of Bob’s vacation location.
“Will he ever learn to play his scales? What if I’m not there to place his music right side up?” Reggie Berg, Principal Artist, lamented. “He’s just going to play Heart and Soul constantly. What about his jackets? What if they get wrinkled in transit? He’ll have to bring an iron with him. Will he wear sweatpants? Does he know what sweatpants look like? Has he ever been to a Walmart?”
“I can’t imagine what he’ll do or how he’ll feel if he forgets his beloved Heartland Sings pin,” mourned Sangeeta Reddy, Development Associate. “Otherwise, how will he spread our message (see above) to the masses?”
Alejandra Sandoval-Montañez, Principal Artist, is concerned about Mr. Nance's Duolingo streak. “Will he make sure to practice every day? Will he make others join him in singing the iconic chorus of ‘cielito lindo’?”
“Who’s going to drive me now?” asked 40-foot RV, Harvey.
Rumor has it that not only has Lucy Rhymes, Director of Marketing and Sales, fully taken over Mr. Nance’s house during cat sitting, but has also fully commandeered his couch in his office, and has taken to calling themselves “Mini Maestro.”
“Who’s going to cover the Bradley?” Natalie Young, Artistic Director, asked. “Or rather, what will the Bradley do without HIM? His fan club will have to eat without him. How will he get their weekly fix of Cole Porter?”
“I fully support his decision to go on vacation,” said Eric Miller, President. “After working with Bob for 15 years on a daily basis, every day, every hour, with no breaks, this time might be harder than watching my daughter go off to college. I wish him safe travels and the long and winding road home.”
“He’s not even going on a vacation, he’s going to write the libretto for a new musical,” said Seth Allen, Principal Artist. “He’s literally taking a break from work to do more work.”
Note from ye old maestro: “I approve of the above message, and, while it is clearly a spoof, there is a lot of truth there! I invite everyone who loves Heartland Sings to really get to know these wonderfully creative and talented people. They are an amazing blessing for our community, and I have been and continue to be extremely honored to call them colleagues and friends!”